I got the title from the movie "Eat Pray Love", which was an awesome movie by the way. So my life has come to a pause from all those school and all those craziness stress and busy life... Because we're all in a sem break which actually lasts for quite a long time.. But the thing is, when you're so used to being busy all the time.. You actually yearn to do something or else you'd feel useless... And when you're busy, you just don't want to do anything. Quite a paradox. Yes it is, and life as the matter is one big whole giant pie of paradoxes..
I can't sit still. I just need something to do.. But why? Can't I just sit back and enjoy this silence of not having to do anything? I don't mean I want to go back to school, because heck no, I dont want to! lol.
Maybe I want go to an adventure that will wake me up.. Maybe I've been sleeping all this time not being aware of my life... And yes in fact, yes, I am not aware of my life. I just let each day pass by like it's just an insignificant page of my life. And I truly want it to mean more than just that, but I don't know how to. Will reading more books make my life meaningful? Will exercising make it meaningful? Will learning new languages make it meaningful? I mean all those things are ideal and nice but they're just filling the void of not doing anything to being a productive one... But when does anything mean something? Do I feel it? Am I supposed to enjoy it? What is being meaningful? Can doing nothing actually mean something?
I do not know. These thoughts bother me in the silence.. And really upset me because I can't answer the questions. But even if I can't answer them... people should dwell in them because if you question life more often... you might get your answers... And maybe, just maybe the answers are in your questions...
Maybe the reason why I just can't enjoy doing nothing as I expected it to be is because when you do nothing, you do not have a sense of purpose nor direction. It's like you're just floating in the middle of the ocean without sails to guide you to one clear direction. Maybe I've been floating all along in the ocean whether I'm busy or doing nothing... I just don't have a clear picture of where I want to go. So no matter what you're doing, if you don't know where you want to go, there will always be a battle inside of you on where to take your raft in the ocean.. You can't really get started with anything because one day you'll be going in one direction then one day you'll be going in another... What direction in your life that can give you so much meaning and purpose that you're willing to paddle all the way there no matter what it takes?
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